The world’s funniest joke, official

aristocratsMonty Python spoofed the quest for The World’s Funniest Joke in a sketch. Set during World War II, Ernest Scribbler, a struggling British writer, creates the funniest joke in the world and dies laughing. Attempts to retrieve the joke are made, one including an officer who enters the home “aided by the sound of sombre music, played on gramophone records, and also by the chanting of laments by the men of Q Division.” Unfortunately, he also dies.
It is finally retrieved by the British Army, and after careful testing under war conditions, the joke is translated into German for use on the battlefield. Because the joke is so lethal, translators are only allowed to work on one word each. The German translation of the joke is this. Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! … Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
No? Well if it’s not that one, neither is it the joke called The Aristocrats which was so funny and so infamous that it was the subject of a film a couple of years back. The problem with The Aristocrats joke is this. Although it was Johnny Carson’s favourite joke and the film features famous people like Carrie Fisher, Billy Connolly, Eddie Izzard, Robin Williams and Harry Shearer retelling it, there is absolutely no chance of it being repeated here.
Around the same time, the quest for the World’s Funniest Joke finally came to an end with an announcement in New Scientist after the publication of a year long research project by LaughLab, an online survey created by Dr. Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in collaboration with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.
Some 2 million votes were cast for around 40,000 jokes. However, you can’t help but realise when you look at the top two, that The Aristocrats or anything like it would never make it to any shortlist, so what we actually have is the World’s Funniest Clean Joke. Nevertheless, the survey did throw up some interesting results that tell us a little about the way different cultures use humour.
Flying in the face of stereotypes, Germans were the most likely to find all types of jokes funny, while Canadians were the least amused of the 10 top responding nations. The British, Irish, Australians and New Zealanders favoured jokes involving wordplay. Example: Patient: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum.” Doctor: “I’ve got some cream for that!”
Continental Europeans liked surreal jokes. Example: An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
Americans and Canadians preferred jokes invoking a strong sense of superiority – either because a character looks stupid or is made to look stupid by someone else. Example: Texan: “Where are you from?” Harvard graduate: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.” Texan: “OK, where are you from, Jackass?”
Computer analysis of the survey also threw up a number of intriguing results. Not all animal jokes, for example, are created equal – jokes mentioning ducks were rated as funnier than other jokes.
Anyway, here it is, officially the World’s Funniest Joke (clean division). From an original by Spine Millington:
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other man whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The man’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
Badum. Tish.

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11 Responses to “The world’s funniest joke, official”


  1. 1 Stephen Foster April 1, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    A bloke seated in a movie theatre noticed that the man in front of him had his arm around the neck of a huge Afghan hound that occupied the seat next to him.
    The dog was watching the picture with obvious understanding, he snarled softly when the villain spoke and yelped joyously at the funny lines.
    The bloke leaned over and tapped the man in front of him on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me, but I can’t get over your dog’s behavior.’
    ‘Yeah, I’m surprised too,’ said the man. ‘He hated the book.’

    Badum. Tish (from jokesonline.com)

  2. 2 OS. April 2, 2009 at 6:39 am

    A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Gorilla Removers”. He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

    The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

    “What are you going to do?” the homeowner asks.

    “I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.”

    So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

    “What’s the shotgun for?” asks the homeowner.

    “If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!”

    Badum. Tish. (From http://www.free-jokes-online.com)

  3. 3 Sajjan sharma August 23, 2010 at 7:44 am

    One day Jason came home late and drunk. He went to bed beside his wife. When he woke up there was strange man standing at the foot of his bed.
    “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” Jason asked
    “I am Saint Peter and you are in Heaven” The man replied
    “What!”Jason shouted,”I didn’t even say goodbye to my wife and my friends. Please let me go back.”
    “You can go back either as a dog or as a hen.”St. Peter answered
    Jason remembered that there was a farm not far from his house son he told St. Peter that he wanted to be a hen.Suddenly everything started to become fuzzy and before he knew it Jason was in a farm as a hen. He looked around. There were many animals around him.Suddenly he felt something in his stomach.
    “Whats happening!”He asked a rooster.
    “Well Hey! Look at me when I’m talkin to you boy,” The rooster said,”well as I was saying like my Mama told he Daughter thats when I first find ou that-”
    “GET TO THE POINT!”Jason screamed
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    Jason pushed and pushed and finally laid an egg. He felt relieved and he lay anathor and anathor until he felt a smack on the back of his head and he heard his wife say “WAKE UP JASON YOU DRUNKEN BASTARD, YOU’RE SHITTIN ON THE BED!”

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